1.

Attitude is key; you must want to resolve the conflict. Willingly put your heads and heart together to solve the problem

2.

Agree that problems are a normal part of all relationships and don’t have to capsize the marriage. All marriages must work through conflict. It’s how you handle them that matters.

3.

Set a precedent to reaffirm the end result of the discussion before you get started. “We are going to work this out and I love you. Now let’s talk.” Start this pattern early in your relationship.

4.

Make it your goal to be closer to your spouse after the discussion on an issue. Don’t fight in a way that divides you more. Maintain a loving, gentle tone, loving, kind words and full respect.

5.

Agree to set a time to actually talk through the issues. Don’t blindside your spouse by bringing up an issue out of the blue. On the other hand, don’t keep saying “no” to their need to talk something through.

6.

Deal with one issue at a time. How hard is that? Jot down your thoughts a head of time, discuss the topic without bringing in other issues that exist. Enjoy the satisfaction and the freedom of having solved one problem. Success is good.

7.

Focus on the problem and don’t attack, blame or criticize your partner. Allow your commitment to be the anchor and agree together that “we have a problem” and work on it.

8.

Watch yourself if you are getting defensive and agitated. Greater movement and increased volume decreases the chances of resolving the conflict. Slow down, and settle down, and sit down!

9.

Establish a visual or verbal “time-out” signal to let your mate know that you must stop the discussion for awhile and resume at a better time when you aren’t feeling hurt or angry.

10.

Get outside help. Conflict resolution is so important because with it you can solve any frustration in your marriage. These good communication skills set the tone for all future steps of freedom and unity. Go to a professional counselor, pastor or psychologist for the help you need. Send your questions to us and we will seek to help as well.