Happy Camper Guidelines

From Episode 505 - High Speed Intimacy

The Secrets of Dating for Life

By Dr. Dave Currie adapted from Dr. Doug Weiss

DATING NEEDS TO BE A PRIORITY: Dating provides an extremely important foundational part to a successfully intimate marriage. You must date if you plan to have a life-long, loving and fun relationship.

PREVENT DISTANCE AND BOREDOM BY DATING: To love God and each other is key but remember, without intention, lives naturally drift.  Over the years life gets so busy that to make no effort to stay connected, and spend time to rejuvenate, you will naturally grow apart and become disinterested with each other.

GOOD INTENTIONS DON’T MAKE A DIFFERENCE: No time booked in the schedule, no relationship. The greater the gaps in dating, the greater the distance between your hearts.

STAYING CLOSE IS A GIFT TO YOUR KIDS: One of the greatest gifts you can give your children is the stability of your deep and caring friendship. Their self-worth is forged in the constancy of your committed and genuine love for each other.

INVEST IN EACH OTHER - TIME AND MONEY: Pay the price to date or you will pay a greater amount in personal dissatisfaction, distance and therapist bills. You must invest in your relationship to make it and keep it a priority.

DATING CAN’T BE A GRIPE SESSION: When you are dating, restrain yourself from sensitive issues. You must save your dates for having fun together not for working through problems. Schedule other times for conflict resolution.

AGREE ON WHAT A DATE IS AND IS NOT: What is a date? It is spending 3-5 hours alone, regularly scheduled, for the purpose of having fun and building relationship. Occasionally, dating can include another couple (1 in 4 only) but NO kids.

PLAY BY THESE FOUNDATIONAL DATING RULES:

NO problem discussions

NO money discussions

NO kid discussions

NO work discussions

NO household chores

NO cell  phones calls (other than emergencies)

NO errands

NO shopping

FIGURE OUT YOUR DATING GAMEPLAN: The choice of dating is similar to the choice of tithing. Once you have decided to do it, the “how to do it” will always follow.

Agree on how often you will date, whether weekly, bi-weekly or monthly, you must agree to be consistent. Put the dates in your schedule and follow through.

Alternate planning the date. You are 100% responsible 50% of the time! Rotate being the Date Designer.

Plan something YOU enjoy doing! You choose the event, the times, the night, the activities and the refreshments without being influenced by your mate.

Be creative and make an effort in planning as a sign of love but focus on being together and having fun not on cost or complexity. Simplicity has its place too.

Remember, you are not trying to make your mate happy. No one can make another person happy. They must choose to be!

LIVE OUT THE HAPPY CAMPER PRINCIPLE: Regardless of the date designed, the role of the spouse is to simply “go along for the ride” in a positive manner. Simply learn to love and celebrate being with your spouse and choose to make the best of everything; no attitudes, rolling of eyes, negative comments, whatever. Your role is to be a HAPPY CAMPER! Wear your shirt when appropriate with pride as a reminder of your role.

NOTE:    Cancellation of a scheduled date night is never one person’s right. Satisfactory rescheduling or even sacrificing a date night is only with genuine full agreement of your spouse. Work to keep your date night sacred.

© 2008 Dr. Dave Currie and Christie Rayburn