Consumer Marriage Quiz

From Episode 510 -Take Back Your Marriage

Is Your Marriage Becoming a Consumer Marriage?

1. I (often, sometimes, rarely) compare my spouse unfavorably to others.

2. In relation to our problems, I (often, sometimes, rarely) dwell on my spouse’s deficiencies; not my own.

3. I (often, sometimes, rarely) concentrate on how my spouse is not meeting my needs rather than how I am not meeting my spouse’s needs.

4. I (often, sometimes, rarely) keep score: I add up when I do good things or when I think my spouse does something bad.

5. I (often, sometimes, rarely) think that my spouse is getting a better deal in this marriage then I am.

6. I (often, sometimes, rarely) focus on my spouse’s defects rather than on his or her strengths.

7. I (often, sometimes, rarely) wonder if I should have held out for someone better when I chose a mate.

8. When we have hard times, I (often, sometimes, rarely) ask myself whether the effort I am putting into this marriage is worth it.

If most of your answers are “rarely,” congratulations. You do not treat marriage like a car that you can trade in when it ages and develops a touch of rust. If most of your answers are “sometimes,” ask yourself if things that you want are disguising themselves as things that you absolutely need. Try discussing your spouse’s needs and wants. If three or more of your answers are “often,” consumerism has severely infected your view of marriage. Do you want to be a “citizen” of your marriage, or take a “tourist visa” to travel the way of fantasy?

©2001 William J. Doherty - Take back your marriage: sticking together in a world that pulls us apart.p. 43