Closeness

"When you want to work in your shop all evening and not be with me, that feels unloving. You have a right to your hobbies, but I need some face-to-face time with you too."

Openess

"When you said you didn't want to spend time talking about my concerns, that felt unloving to me. I know we don't always have time to talk at length, but sometimes I need to feel reassured that everythng is okay."

Understanding

"When you gave me a quick solution to what I was trying to tell you, that felt unloving. I know you were trying to be helpful, but I really need to feel your care and you can do that by just listening and understanding."

Peacemaking

"When you tell me to, 'Drop it, let's forget it, it's over,' that feels unloving. I know some things need forgetting, but first I need to know that you aren't angry anymore and that we really are at peace."

Loyalty

"When you look at other women, that feels unloving to me. I know temptations are real, but I need to know you have eyes only for me."

Esteem

"When you make negative comments about my mothering or homemaking, that feels unloving. I know I'm not perfect and that I fail, but I need to hear from you when I do a good job, and I need your encouragement even when I don't."