From Why Women Have Affairs
- Engage a counselor who will fight for your marriage and walk through the entire process of personal and marital recovery. Those who do this have over an 80% recovery rate, even after an affair. In fairness, be prepared for up to a year in counseling.
- Recognize honestly that there are 2 primary issues that need to be worked through; the marriage that was failing and the choice to have an affair.
- The Affair: To focus on the affair alone as the main issue, even though there is so much hurt involved, is very incomplete. Yes, the betrayal and steps to genuine recovery will need to be addressed fully.
- The Marriage: An equal focus needs to be on what was lacking in the marriage to create the vulnerability so that both spouses can recognize their part in the marital void. This in no way justifies the choice to have an affair.
- Talk these both through with the counselor.
- It is wise to limit your disclosure about the betrayal to a core group of trusted friends and confidants who will fight for your marriage and fully stand with you through your recovery.
- Agree to an honest disclosure of the nature and extent of the extramarital involvement to a level that is satisfactory to the spouse.
- Go to a new level of honesty in your relationship that you may never have had before. You need to discuss openly and completely all your needs, frustrations, and hurts.
- The offending spouse needs to take full responsibility for their choices and actions, admit they were fully wrong, sincerely confess their betrayal, and seek to genuinely begin to make amends for their failure.
- The wounded spouse needs to search their heart to determine their willingness to sincerely re-engage and forgive their mate for the betrayal. Involve the counselor as needed.
- Many couples have found the greatest source of strength for a marital recovery is going to God together in prayer for perspective, guidance and success in their healing.
© 2008 Dr. Dave Currie and Christie Rayburn